Ian Hislop spent Have I Got News For You methodically dismantling Michael Gove in front of guest host David Tennant, comedian Chloe Petts and a live studio audience – and the most infuriating thing about the whole exchange is that Gove appeared to enjoy every second of it. Hislop called him a cockroach. He reminded him Cameron said his one overriding quality was disloyalty. He played the Aberdeen nightclub footage. Gove’s response, more or less throughout, was to grin and add more self-accusations.
It was Gove’s first appearance on the programme. There is a reasonable argument it should have been his last.
The opening
Tennant set the scene. “A turbulent week in politics, I think we can agree?”
“A turbulent week,” Hislop replied. “I think what we’ve seen is a large number of members of the cabinet stabbing each other in the back in the hope of becoming leader.”
He turned to Gove.
“Michael.”
The gesture alone was enough. The studio laughed. Gove laughed. “This is an unprecedented departure from the high standards that have been set by previous governments,” he quipped.
Hislop was not distracted. “I mean, how does it feel? You’re in cabinet, you’re being polite, you’re pretending to support them, then you go out and you stab them in the back. How do you feel?”
Gove’s response was one of the better lines of the evening: “Well, it obviously depends on whose back you’re stabbing. In some cases it’s a solemn duty, in other cases it’s a positive pleasure.”
Third. Twice.
“You tried to be leader a couple of times, didn’t you? Twice? How did that go?”
“I came third both times,” Gove said. “Which is an unmemorable, double humiliation.”
Hislop turned to the question of Boris Johnson. “You did stop Boris being leader once?”
“I did, yes. But as we all subsequently know, that was only a temporary alleviation.”
“Yeah, but it was your one good deed in this life.”
The cockroach
Hislop moved to the survival question. “With Mandelson, I mean people say it’s extraordinary how he survived but… I mean, you were sacked and then dismissed, and then you always came back. I mean, there are cockroaches I know who are in awe of your ability.”
He continued: “I preferred Cameron’s definition – he said you had one overriding quality – have I got this right? – which was disloyalty?”
Gove did not dispute the characterisation. “I think I have many other good qualities as well,” he said. “Perfidy, treachery…”
If you are looking for a man untroubled by his own reputation, Gove on Have I Got News For You is four minutes very well spent.
The dancing
David Tennant played a clip from 2021 of Gove dancing at a nightclub in Aberdeen. The footage, which went viral at the time, shows Gove in what can only be described as a committed physical interpretation of music.
“Nice moves Michael!” Tennant said.
“That’s real Northern Soul,” Gove replied. “That was Aberdeen, not Wigan Casino!”
“Proper north,” Tennant noted. “Does Strictly beckon?”
“I suspect that actually, probably, ‘sectioning’ beckons rather than Strictly,” Gove said.
Hislop: “If only you’d said that years ago.”
The PPE question
The panel turned to the US government’s response to the Hantavirus outbreak, which is being led by a penile implant specialist named Dr Brian Christine. Tennant drew the obvious parallel.
“Having a penile implant specialist leading the Hantavirus response is ridiculous. A bit like allowing an office interior design firm to supply PPE during the pandemic. Michael, any comment on that?”
Gove’s response will be studied by students of evasion for some years: “I think that as one looks back, the vested sponge of amnesia wipes the slate of memory clean.”
The audience booed.
“I don’t think anyone’s really forgotten though, Michael,” Hislop replied. “You’re in the House of Lords now, sitting alongside other luminaries like Baroness Mone.”
More boos.
“That’s the reaction I was looking for,” Hislop said.
Paul Merton: “No, they’re just pronouncing her name.”
The experts
The episode also covered the upcoming FIFA World Cup – a subject on which Tennant and Gove, both Scots, were notably more engaged than the others. Scotland have qualified for the first time since 1998, and Gove demonstrated an unexpectedly comprehensive knowledge of the 1978 Scotland World Cup anthem, reciting “We’re on the march with Ally’s army / We’re going to the Argentine / It’ll really shake them up, when we win the World Cup / Cause Scotland are the greatest football team” with what could only be described as passion.
“Do you know, I preferred you talking about levelling up,” Hislop said.
“Solid knowledge though,” Tennant pointed out.
Hislop took his moment: “Can I just say at this point that I’ve always liked experts.”
It was a reference, of course, to Gove’s statement during the 2016 Brexit campaign that the country had had enough of experts – a line that has followed him around ever since with the specific persistence of things that are true and funny simultaneously. Gove absorbed it without visible distress, which is either admirable or alarming depending on your view of the man.
Comedian Chloe Petts, on her fourth appearance, summarised her role accurately: “I think I’ve been brought onto this show today to translate football to you and act as your bouncer in case you go for Michael Gove.”
You can watch the full show here.
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Joe Connor is a UK-based reporter specialising in politics, public policy, and national affairs. He has previously contributed to publications including The London Economic (JOE Media Group) and Spotted News.
At The Daily Britain, he covers Westminster politics, elections, and breaking political developments, alongside in-depth analysis of policy decisions and their real-world impact.